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Should gender activists fight for women or men’s rights?
2005-11-23 08:22:51
By Correspondent Majuto Juma
Soon after placing our orders Lymo walked into our favourite meeting place, Hamisi and I warmly welcomed him. He was immaculately dressed in a cream three-piece suit, with a white shirt and a floral matching necktie.
It was not typical of him to wear suits unless there was a special reason so we became curious and Hamisi asked why he was looking so smart.
Lymo quickly responded, ’gentlemen I am coming from one of the local hotels in the city, we had a conference on gender…..’
Before he completed his statement Hamisi quipped in, ’hold your horses brother I suspect that you were talking about women’s miseries and how men oppress them and all that kind of stuff, what about men? Are they getting it smooth the whole way?’
The conversation was now taking a very interesting turn. I just sat there wondering what Hamisi was up to.
All along I had never thought that men were also finding the going tough as far as I was concerned men had the upper hand in everything.
But Hamisi had a different idea all together. He went on to say, ’my friends, here is the situation, men are also victims of this gender business.
When one looks at this whole gender issue it has everything to do with opportunities, responsibilities, roles, expectations and duties. Women have always had level ground with men.’
We tried to comprehend what Hamisi had just said but it did not make sense to us, ’ would you mind explaining further because I am really lost,’ I said. Hamisi went on to explain the power that women have over men.
He argued that men are pathetic figures who always want to climb on high ground and claim that they are in charge, but the reality is that women are the ones running the show, behind the scenes of course.
That was a very interesting notion.
The waitress brought our drinks and we took a gulp each and quickly turned to Hamisi for we were now very keen to follow his argument. He took a deep breath before continuing.
’My friends, women are very cunning they always get whatever they want from men. They can manipulate a man until he loses his senses.
My uncle who is around 65 years old now, extremely rich and owns one of the biggest companies here in Dar es salaam, was lured by an 18 year old woman.
He leaves his family and matrimonial villa in Sea Cliff and spends most of his nights in a squalid one roomed shack in Manzese with this girl.
He is so obsessed with her. So my friends under these conditions who needs help my uncle or the 18 year old girl who lured him?’
Lymo took Hamisi’s side, ’you are right even in the Bible, Saul who was dreaded by the whole army was conquered by a woman, that shows how powerful women are and they make men lead miserable lives at times.’
’You see what I mean,’ said Hamisi smiling mischievously. ’If anything gender education should focus on men because they are always the losers, women always get the upper hand even at work. If you find yourself competing for a certain position with a woman don’t get too confident about getting it for you might be shocked when the woman scoops it.
Lymo took over and started explaining the talents women have. He went on to say that women are shrewd tacticians who always win where it matters. I immediately pointed out that I did not agree with their line of thought.
I gave them examples of discrimination against women. Sometimes they are not given equal opportunities in school, at work and in other aspects of life.
Hamisi quickly chipped in, ’my dearest friend you need a rude awakening, never fool yourself, women choose what they want and they always get it.
Naturally they do not want to work hard, so they make men work and they enjoy the fruits.
Women are not worried about being managers or excelling in science subjects in school, they would rather do arts subjects which are not too demanding, but they know one thing for sure, they are the major beneficiaries of men’s endeavours.’
I made a reflection of what my friends were saying, I remembered my good buddies in Arusha, Hassan and Rayner, who turned into worst enemies.
The two were inseparable but when Hassan got married all hell broke loose the wife did not like Rayner at all. She felt as if her husband was giving more attention to his friend at her expense.
She tried to say bad things about him but the husband insisted that he was his childhood friend and nothing would separate them.
The wife came up with a very cunning plan.
She informed her husband that Rayner was making advances towards her and that is why she was no longer comfortable with their friendship. Hassan became furious and he threatened to kill his best friend.
Rayner tried to explain to his friend that nothing of that sort had happened but the explanation fell on deaf ears. The two friends parted ways.
As if Hamisi was reading my mind, he said, ’women run this world, men just go to the forefront to echo the decisions that women will have made at home.
My mother has four brothers who were so close and the whole village had admired them for that when they were growing up.
But as soon as they got married, they started accusing each other of this and that but all these problems emanated from their wives. As I am speaking they don’t see eye to eye, they don’t even visit each other although they are all living here in Dar es Salaam.’
We finished our drinks but before we parted Lymo had this to say, ’our lives are run by women, when we are young our mothers are in control, when we grow up either our girl friends or wives take over from our mothers.
We should have men emancipation instead of women emancipation. Women are in charge, if you go against the wishes of a woman in your life, boy, you will see it coming.’
With these words we parted ways because each one of us was rushing home since it was getting late.
I guess you all know why we were rushing; someone was waiting and looking at the wall clock as well. Man! We had some explaining to do when we got home.
Do you think men should start fighting for our emancipation from the grip of women?
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