|
Of similarities between husbands and wives
2006-02-09 08:31:59
By Correspondent Grayson Farah
Scientific studies have it that what attracts a man to a woman are similarities.
But in other cycles of science it is widely believed that opposites attract, this follows that women get attracted to men who look totally different from them.
But a recent study suggests that people get attracted to those who are like them.
What turns a man on or a woman is just finding someone who looks just like them. In biological terms it is called ’assortive mating ’A quick look around couples you know may prove this, you will discover that there are similarities between husband and wife.
One scientist Doctor Robin Russell lecturer in psychology at London’s Gold Smith College said, ’I think it’s remarkable. Husbands and wives resemble each other in length of nose, shape of face, even in qualities such as the amount of nitrogen in their blood and even in psychological characteristics such as attitude and ability. In anything you can think of that’s been studied, it has been found that husbands tend to resemble their spouses.’
Matters like religion, politics, attitudes towards sex, economics and so on show a very high degree of similarity between spouses.
Many people believe that for one to have a happy marriage they need to fall for someone similar to them, if the other partner is totally different, chances are that the relationship will be very rocky. Imagine a very out going person marrying a reserved somebody, that can be very disastrous.
When spouses are dating they look at things like attitude, their values and their education, in most cases these factors will lead us to someone who is just like us.
I have come across a lot of situations whereby I would think that husband and wife are brother and sister only to be told that they are a couple.
Issa, a lecturer at one of the local Universities in Dar es Salaam said, ’the moment two people stay together as husband and wife for a number of years there are certain adaptations which take place, in terms of attitude and character.
They tend to behave in the same way, but in terms of looks I really agree that husband and wife look alike but I cannot give a valid explanation as to why?’
It is normal to build certain attitudes and form a certain character, which is similar to your spouse; this is only natural so that you can get along well.
If this fails to happen then chances are that the relationship will come to an end.
If your partner enjoys certain things to be done in a particular manner it makes sense to compromise and do it that way by the end of the day it becomes your way of life. Once this happens the two of you have similarities.
For compatibility spouses should have a common way of doing their things and this will lead to similarities between the two.
However, this is a very difficult subject given that different people are attracted to different things in spouses they marry, it does not necessarily follow that similar people will always get attracted to each other.
In most marriages that are successful you will discover that husband and wife share certain common interests these will make them close to each other.
If a couple has totally different interests it means that it will be difficult for them to spend time together, hence the marriage will be shaky.
For a marriage to be successful there is need for couples to work together closely, differences are always there in life but if the two work together and commit themselves to the relationship these differences will be so minimal and will not affect the relationship by the end of the day.
For those who are still looking around for someone to marry, you don’t need to go around looking for someone who looks like you.
We all look for different qualities in those we marry, there is no formula to marriage it all happens under different circumstances from one couple to the other.
You do not need to compare your spouse with someone else all you need to do is to find the right person for you and work on your differences if there are any, so that you can lead a happy life as a couple.
Most young people I came across believe that marriage is outdated, life is too hectic to have someone around you, always nagging and giving commands.
This is a very wrong attitude, marriage is one of the most beautiful human relationships ever and it should be respected and considered important.
Where marriage fails to work there is nothing one can do but the best would be to try and keep it intact for the good of the children and you.
So there you are, next time you move around try to look at the couples around you and see if those similarities are evident, it does not however follow that all couples are similar but the finding suggests that most couples have similarities.
|
