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Parents determine what their children become
2006-04-08 09:33:44
By David Tendai
Parents are very important people in shaping children’s lives. Mostly what children do reflect the kind of home they come from. You can see the parents through the child.
I am really grateful to my parents for who I am. I don’t what kind of person I could be right now if I it wasn’t for my parents.
Not to say I am perfect but at least I am proud of what I am.
We often discuss with my siblings about how much our parents helped shape our present.
The funny thing is that when we were young and our parents were trying to instill some sense of responsibility in us, we never understood them.
We thought they were cruel. I vividly remember how I would sit with my brothers and sister and complain about how strict our parents were.
We used to envy some of our peers whose parents were not as strict as ours and would allow them to do whatever they liked.
Looking at it now, there is nothing to envy about those peers. They were given freedom when they were too young to know how to use it. Instead, they abused it and it landed them in trouble.
Some of them became mothers at a very tender age and could not continue with their studies.
Others started abusing drugs and ended up either contracting the deadly HIV virus through sharing of needles or ended up in depression and other psychosomatic diseases due to withdrawal from the drugs.
As I’m writing, some are in jail for committing different crimes. They were given too much freedom too soon.
Our parents would always make sure we had what we needed in order to proceed with our education but spoiling us was never part of that.
Yes, you could get all the necessities but no luxuries I tell you. My father would go, ’this is my money and I worked for it.
I gave you everything that you might need throughout the term but I will not provide you with any luxuries.
Those you will buy for yourself when you start working.
Right now concentrate on your studies so that you can get a job that will enable you to buy all the luxuries you might dream of.’
That was my old man. We would then cast glances at our mother hoping to get some support.
Far from it, she would take sides with her husband and we always said these two are an awesome couple whenever we got the chance to chat to ourselves.
They seemed to have a way of detecting the truth and we hated this.
At one time my sister did not like the type of shoe that dad had bought her, so she said the shoes were too small and made life very uncomfortable for her therefore she wanted another pair which could fit comfortably.
My dad was quick to detect the issue at stake and his reply was, ’everyone has a pair of shoes that doesn’t really fit well. Even as I am talking to you right now mine are also making me uncomfortable.’
Everyone burst into laughter and my sister knew she had lost it. For a long time that statement was popularly used amongst my siblings. Even now when we meet we sometimes joke about it.
My sister is not the only one who failed to get her way with our old man.
I didn’t like beans (maharage) so I had managed to convince the head cook that I cannot take beans because it caused heartburn to me.
Each time they served sugar beans, I would get sour milk (mtindi) and I liked that.
Somehow I don’t know how that issue came out when my parents visited me in school during one of the visiting Sundays.
That was the end of my privilege of taking sour milk instead of sugar beans.
My dad told the head cook straight away that I was not allergic to any type of food as far as he was concerned.
He also added that, ’whatever you cook she has to eat. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a donkey etc. if she dies because of eating whatever you have decide to serve for any particular meal you call me. I am the father I will take her and give her a decent burial. I don’t want her to receive any special treatment at all.’
I could not believe my ears. I was very angry with him but there was nothing I could do.
During the holidays, the housemaid and houseboy would be given paid vacation so as to teach us the decency of working.
We really hated this but we had to do all the work ourselves so we had to organize ourselves.
We had to clean the house, cook, wash the clothes, take care of the garden, study and play.
We really hated them for this. The only time the house workers were at home during the holidays was that time when we were preparing for public examinations.
It was only after they had made sure that we could do the work that they allowed the house workers to be around during the holidays.
Then, we looked at it as a cruel practice from uncaring parents. But now we really cherish it.
They taught us the importance of hard work. We don’t fear to work.
Take any of my siblings and give them work to do and it will be done.
They never look at what others are doing; they just work even if the others are lazing around.
Now when we sit down to talk, we are really grateful for what our parents have taught us.
More so when we look at our spoilt friends who are finding it hard to cope with real life situations.
We feel our parents gave us the necessary training that one needs for survival.
Looking at it now they were not cruel after all. Or maybe they were being cruel in order to be kind.
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