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Can parents really bear the truth about their children?
2007-05-31 09:06:48
By Simbiso Machine
Dear parents, those of you who follow this column closely might recall that at one point in time I wrote about the role that we as parents should play in supporting our children as far as their learning is concerned.
Among other things I mentioned things like being supportive and attending parent teacher conferences or even just visiting the school at random to check on the progress of our children.
Today this article will focus on parent teacher conferences.
Recently, a good friend of mine who happens to be teaching at one of the affluent so called international schools in Dar es Salaam told me a story which prompted me to write this article.
They had a parent teacher conference and as usual parents were coming to talk to teachers on a one to one basis to find out how their children are doing.
She said, some parents did not want to hear any negative comment about their children, they expected to hear that their child is good, well behaved, the list goes on then they will be all smiles.
Then came another group of parents which really fascinated me. She says there came about four parents of that sort.
What they would do is soon after greeting the teacher, they would go on and on about what their son or daughter can do. What she likes and what she doesn’t like.
How good she is at home, sport etc and how proud they are of him and how they will take him to London or France for the summer holiday.
Such parents did not give the teacher the chance to say anything about the child’s performance in school and one really wonders why such a parent had come to school.
One of the parents is said to actually have gone further than that and said, You are ms so and so… you are such a good teacher my child likes you so much and speaks good about you all the time.
However, she doesn`t like French and when I go to meet the French teacher I won`t listen to whatever the teacher has to say because I know my child doesn’t like French so I am not going to be bothered.
Honestly, is this what we are supposed to do as parents? What future are we building for our children by so doing?
Under such circumstances I am sure the wisest thing for that parent could have been to go and see the French teacher and try to work with him or her to find out why the child does not like the subject.
Thereafter they would sit down and map out a strategy on how to help the child develop a liking for the subject so that she does well.
What if your child says she doesn`t like two or three subjects? If you are not bothered then what will become of your child afterwards and what`s the point of sending her to school in the first place?
The problem with most of us is we do not like to hear bad things about our children.
We are always defensive and that is how we spoil them. Why can`t we just face facts and correct our children so that they grow up to be well adjusted children?
Do we want teachers to lie to us about our children`s performance and behaviour because they are scared of telling us the truth knowing pretty well that we will get angry? In the end will that help anything?
I think by so doing we will just be cheating ourselves. The whole essence of parent teacher conferences is for us to get to know about who our child is in school both academically and socially.
Of course we have to say something to the teacher but first we have to listen to what the teachers have to say and ask questions or give suggestions where necessary but we shouldn`t go there to do all the talking. Once we do so we prevent the teachers from doing their job which is telling us about our child so that we know how best to help them.
I know it is hard to listen to negative things about our loved ones but we just have to if we really care about them. So parents, next time you go to a parent teacher conference listen to what the teacher has to say about your child first and avoid being defensive. Happy parenting!
firstmachine@coolgoose.com
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