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Why do women hate their sons’ wives?
2006-05-21 08:39:05
By Mama Kijana
I can’t put my finger at what really is the matter between mothers and daughters-in-law.
There seems to be a long-standing grudge, which dates back from time immemorial.
If the mother-in-law is good, the daughter-in-law is horrible and the reverse is true. There are very rare cases where the two are a perfect match.
One really wonders what causes this animosity. There seems to be so much hatred between the two.
Every little thing is scrutinized and criticized extensively.
Even a simple mistake like burning relish which she can forgive if done by her own daughter becomes a big issue when done by the so called daughter –in-law.
She will have all sorts of insults hurled at her just for that. The insults will even make reference to how badly she must have been brought up; etc the list is endless.
There is one incident which I will always remember. In my neighbourhood, there happened to be one woman who used to abuse her daughter-in-law so much. In her eyes, the daughter-in-law was good for nothing and a spoilt brat. The daughter-in-law, Mary, came from a very rich family and was well brought up.
It is a fact that she was not used to doing some of the chores like cooking using charcoal, or carrying buckets of water on her head.
Each time they visited the rural home of the in-laws she faced problems for she was not comfortable carrying out some of the chores she was expected to.
She was a sweet woman and she would plainly explain to her mother-in – law that she had to bear with her and teach her how to do some of these things since she had grown up under different conditions and was working in town where again she didn’t have to do any of these things.
This would infuriate her mother-in-law and she would pace around the house shouting at the poor Mary insinuating on how badly she had been brought up.
At first Mary never seemed to mind this old woman but things got just too much and she decided never to visit the village whenever the mother-in-law was there to avoid abuse.
Her husband understood this and did not force her.
The old woman was not to be defeated just like that. She decided to visit her son’s matrimonial home in town.
She literally imposed herself there and started taking charge of the house complaining about the way the daughter-in-law cooked, demanding to be driven to various suburbs to visit her friends as and when she wished. She really made life unbearable for Mary but the good thing is that her husband, John, was supportive.
Observers said what goes around comes around. Sooner or later this cruel mother-in-law’s daughter also got married. The funny thing is that her mother-in –law was worse off than her mother. She did not only abused verbally but also physically.
To everyone’s surprise, when her mother got wind about the abuse, she decided to go and confront the woman who was abusing her daughter so to speak. She went there but she found her match.
The two women insulted each other heavily and were almost exchanging blows but were stopped by the man of the house.
Mary’s mother went to her son’s place and explained to her son that he had to intervene to stop the abuse that her sister was being exposed to.
John agreed but he also brought it to his mother’s attention that her sister was being abused in the same manner that is mother had been abusing her wife.
He therefore said that if her mother felt it was bad for her daughter to be abused, she also should desist from doing the same to her daughter-in-law. A taste of her own medicine, isn’t it?
This did the trick; the two mothers in law later reconciled and confessed their sins. They became very nice to their daughters-in-law; they had learnt their lesson the hard way.
If one looks at the things that these women were criticizing their daughters in law for, one will realize that they are so trivial. One really wonders what causes this hatred.
Is it because mothers feel like their sons have been snatched away from them or what? Why is it that these two women, the mother in law and the daughter in law are always fighting for the attention of this man?
The sad thing is that these squabbles really put the man in a tight place. He is torn apart; he loves his mother but at the same time he loves his wife.
What is he to do if the two women he loves so much in his life do not see eye to eye and seem like they will never do?
One surprising thing about women is that today they are complaining of being abused by the mother-in-law but as soon as their son marries, they start abusing the daughter-in –law as well. What madness is this? Do they want their son to stay single forever?
No one knows because again they are the very first people to complain if the son delays in marrying.
This hatred emotionally stresses the husband and children if they are old enough to understand what is going on. Women should learn to be rational and treat their daughters-in –law as human beings.
Of course we do have daughters-in -law who are terrible but in most cases the mothers cause the trouble.
Being a mother of two sons, I hope and I hope I will treat my daughters-in-law with all due respect because if I don’t then I will also lose my sons.
The thing that women don’t realize is, once you treat your daughter-in –law unfairly, you will create some distance between you and your son. Love thy daughter-in-law and your son will always be close to you.
She has not committed any crime by marrying your son, so why punish her? You also got married to someone else’s son mind you!
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