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Marriage: An institution increasingly rocked by conflicts
2007-11-25 12:06:30
By Mbena Mwanatongoni
Beautiful Festina divorced her handsome husband Jumanne last week after only six months of marriage. Both of them are well-to-do financially, as attested by their costly wedding reception at an expensive hotel in Dar es Salaam and followed by honeymooning at national park in the northern tourist circuit.
Among wedding presents were a key of a newly built house at the posh Mbezi Beach peninsular in the outskirts of Dar es Salaam City, a brand new saloon car of Japanese make and a home-theatre piece, complete with a huge screen, video and refined music system.
The abrupt end of their relationship was not anticipated, and indeed Festina’s matron who took every trouble to reconcile them is no longer in talking terms with her.
Joyce who chaperoned the bride admits with fellings ``I was so close to Festina that it hurts to be this far apart.
I really don’t want to think of it.`` Ironically, Festina has taken her love to the divorcee of her best friend who in turn has snatched Jumanne.
It sounds fictitious but the swapping is a reality though unplanned. “This should be cause enough for marriage counseling,” remarks Andrew Mchomvu, a seasoned sociologist and counselor in social issues.
Mchomvu doubles as lecturer at the Institute of Social Work in Dar es Salaam.
The sociologist suggests the registration of a legal society of counselors to be run by professional counselors in controlling and managing counseling in Tanzania, saying the absence of such a recognized institution creates a loose meaning of the profession as segmented.
Analysts attribute a myriad of community forces that catalyze a couple into a separation or a divorce, while at the personal level an individual might not attain the aspirations cherished before the matrimonial union.
Psychologists content that breakages of long marriages are attributable to natural causes influenced by age, saying that the older a man gets the less the sex appetite, completely opposed to the woman who demands more of the share.
``When a woman reaches menopause she finds the danger is over for conceiving and she makes herself more available, as the appetite ascends unlike the man who gradually glides as age takes its toll,`` adds Evod Bang’ala, a medical doctor practising in the city.
Psychologists concur too that before and towards marriage the couple experience maximum intimacy as each party wants to learn more of the other but upon and in marriage they come to know so much of each other that at the slightest minor provocation one turns into an issue. ``Under normal circumstances you will ignore a remark that you have pressed the wrong side of the toothpaste.
You will rock your head when your spouse turns that into an insult, and for that matter affecting her family with words unimaginable,” insists Mchomvu.
Divorce is permitted in Islam as a last resort when all other avenues of dispute resolution have been exhausted but statistics are not readily available in Tanzania Mainland although the case is slightly different in Zanzibar where it is on the rise.
Either partner has the right to seek divorce but in most cases it is the man who concludes divorce or who issues the divorce certificate to the woman.
There are ten Kadhi’s courts in Zanzibar which adjudicate civil cases that involve Muslims ranging from family disputes, divorce, or inheritance; and arise from Islamic law and custom.
A recent report said more than 95 percent of the 1,753 marriage disputes brought to court in the last two years culminated in divorce, with most of the couples involved ranging from the age of 20 and above.
There were few divorces in the past because women did not know their rights and instead were made to believe that men had unfettered dominion over family issue and women had no say.
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